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The Complete Guide to Sausage Making
By Fresno
Sausage is amazing. It's good for any meal of the day, from breakfast to that meal you eat at 3 AM after a night of doing stuff you shouldn't post about on Facebook. While the gray or pink tubes of mystery meat are often delicious, they can't match the pure joy involved with eating sausage that you crammed into casings with your own hands. This book has everything you need to make your own links of live, except the meat. It will take your taste buds on a guided tour of sausage land, stopping along the way to sight see in flavor country. OK, that metaphor is a little much, but the point is that it will teach you to make awesome sausage, which is more than any other book has ever done for us.
Fatheads
By Fresno
This is a pretty good time of year for sports fans. Baseball is in full swing. NFL is so close that John Madden is having his bus detailed and the NBA season is looming. To get ready, now is the time to decorate and the only way for true fans to do so is with giant pictures of their favorite athletes. Fatheads has over 1,000 images featuring just about any player or team you can think of. They're easy to apply and to take off. Though, we can't think of many reasons to take them down. Unless you have your Kobe Fathead up and your Celtics fan date is coming over.
LoveSac Alternative Furniture
By Fresno
It's no secret that sitting is awesome, but where you site can have a distinct effect on how much enjoyment you get out of it. With LoveSac's alternative furniture, you can sit however you want. They make several stand-alone sacs that can be positioned and lounged upon in pretty much any position. But, if you want to take it to the next level, you can also step up to a Sactional. It almost looks like a tradtional couch, but because of the versatility of the LoveSac system, you can arrange it in an almost endless array of layouts. They have a wide selection of color options and they're filled with DuraFoam to ensure that they never get squashed flat no matter how many times you flop down on them. The options really are staggeringly extensive, so check out the site for the full Sac selection.
105G CAVS 105G Karaoke Player
By Fresno
Travel to Japan and you'll find that people there take Karaoke ridiculously seriously. But, here in the States, we deprive ourselves of the unabashed joy involved with making a total jerk out of yourself set to a soundtrack of classic songs. This relatively compact player lets you live out your rockstar karaoke fantasies in the comfort of your own home without requiring you to keep a giant machine sitting around your living room. This player hooks up to your TV via composite, component S-Video of SVGA cables. It has two microphone ports and puts out high-quality signals and even comes with a remote control. Just make sure you're stocked up with plenty of Karaoke Songs to keep your neighbors annoyed and your guests entertained.
Throwdown Bed
By Fresno
Most people will never actually get to step into an official MMA ring, but apparently anyone can sleep in something pretty close if they have $1,000 kicking around. The Throwdown bed uses actual fencing with foam padded rails. It comes in twin, full, queen and even king sizes in case you really want to work on your Jiu Jitsu rolling. You even get to have your nickname printed on it. Mattress and ring girls sold separately.
Areaware Torch
By Fresno
All kinds of things are made out of wood, from dining room chairs to pirate legs, but we're willing to bet you have never seen a flashlight made from the flesh of a once-proud tree before. That's exactly what the Areaware Torch is. Pushing a little button on the end turns on a 60-lumen flashlight powered by an LED light source. It only uses 3 AAA batteries, which last for an absurdly long time and the body is made from new-growth beech wood, which means it's sustainable and won't make Mother Earth cry into her whole grain cereal. As a bonus, it's heavy enough that, should the need arise, you could wack someone right in the head with it. That's always a good quality to have.
Belkin Conserver Valet
By Fresno
Chances are, you've heard some self-righteous blowhard use the phrase "electricity vampires" when referring to gadgets that stay plugged into the wall even when they're not in use. While we would never use that stupid phrase, we can see the folly in using up electricity to power something we're not even using. That's where Belkin's magic little table comes in. It can charge up to four devices at once and it shuts off automatically when there's nothing plugged in, rather than constantly draining sweet electricity from your wall. It also organizes your cords and keeps you from having to search for your charger every night. If nothing else, just having it on your desk will help convince visitors you're not a slob that hates mother earth.
Gladiator Claw Bike Storage Device
By Fresno
In case you haven't noticed, we think bikes are pretty awesome around these parts, but tripping over the stupid thing every time you go into the garage is not. The Gladiator Claw takes shin-bashing by pointy pedals out of the equation, though, by suspending your bike by its back wheel from the ceiling. Putting your bike into the claw is simple: You just push the back wheel into the big orange button and the arms grab onto your rim, suspending the whole rig above the ground. There's enough clearance for big, fat mountain bike tires and it's strong enough to hold even the burliest whip. Getting your bike down is easy too. Push the bike back into the big orange button and the arms release, letting you hurry up and start punishing your sit bones (that's bike nerd talk for your ass).
White Castle-Scented Candles
By Fresno
Full disclosure: Our office pretty much smells like White Castle 100% of the time. But, if you're not as committed to the tiny burgers as we are, you can supplement your abode's oniony scent with these novelty candles. Each one costs $10, which seems like kind of a lot since one of the sliders will make your house, clothes, breath and internal organs smell like meat and onions for like two months after eating it. The candle is housed in the iconic white and blue container (it's made from ceramic, not paper like the ones the food comes in). Luckily, the high price is justified by the fact that the net proceeds go to Autism Speaks foundation.
Now that the nice weather is finally here, it's time to start getting rid of all those awful brown spots in your lawn. If you want to make your yard look more like a pro ball field than a playround, you can scoop up some of Scott's MLB Authentic seed mixes. You can choose from Wrigley Field, Fenway ark, Busch Stadium, Great American Ball Park and Citizens Bank Park. You'll have to check out the seed specs to make sure the new turf will thrive in your environment, but once those blades start poking their little green heads out, all of the hard work will be worth it. It'll be worth the effort just to see the look on the old man next door's face when your lawn owns his.
Better Marriage Blanket
By Fresno
We might be a little late to the party on this one, but that's only because, after having seen the commercial, we were pretty sure this was some kind of SNL parody commercial. Apparently, though, this fart-stopping blanket is all too real and is making its way into the bedrooms of gassy couples all across the country. The commercial touts the fact that it's made from the same material that the military uses to combat chemical warfare. There are even some quotes from satisfied customers on the site, including this one from Elena in Arizona, "It must be working because I have not woken myself up since I started using it!" So, was Elena busting farts so gross that they were actually waking her up at night? We weren't aware this was such a widespread problem, but we're glad that it has been solved with military--and informercial--precision.
Every time we go to the mall, we end up hanging around in Brookstone, waiting for that fat guy and the little kid to get out of the massage chairs so we can get rubbed down by a piece of someone else's furniture. But, if if you're in the market to actually buy one, you can now control it with your iPod Touch or iPhone. You can fully customize yor massage routine right from the apps interface using Bluetooth. It retails for $5,999, so you'll have to be a seriously baller (or just someone with a seriously sore back) to spring for one. But, if you drop the cash, you can expect high end rubbing from a super comfortable chair. It even has leg and foot areas to ease your pain after a long day on your feet. Or, if you work on the Internet like us, in a different, less awesome chair.
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